My childhood-1

I remember some habits from my childhood, more specifically 15/16-ish age. I will not glorify by saying those were my best days of life cause you never know. But undoubtedly those were my less complicated days in life. There were hassles in my life too but they all were in only one dimension which now grew to multi-dimensions. Anyway, so what I am trying to say is there were certain habits.. things that I did do. That I liked to do and found peace too. Lately, one or two of them are being visible in my 21 something-ish years. I wonder why suddenly those antic, old but gold habits came back. I did not get any profound answer to them still, so decided to enjoy them for as long as I can have a grip on them.

I previously wrote a little about how I liked to write down my feelings. I had a personal journal. In the earliest ages of my life, I mainly wrote about my childish grieves. About how my parents shout at me if I did not read enough, how they did not let me sleep before time these all. But as times were passing by I wrote about other things too. I was brought up as a competitor (very unluckily) with the other folks of my ages(well mostly!). So first I wrote my feelings about how much I hated the whole system. But long exposure to that sorta environment made me the person my parents wanted to see. I eventually came around like a warrior in a battle of academic excellence. (I don't follow where my vocabularies are taking me). Even more ridiculous is at that time I would jot down the name of my class competitors and even threw challenges at me by setting a target. In the end of any particular semester, I even checked if I met my criteria or not. Depending on that my mood clock would evolve. But the part I most liked about my 'writing practice' is the one where I self-motivated myself. That part always got me. I clearly did not feel anything when I wrote those long paragraphs but at times when there were dark clouds, I'd read those and the great feelings about myself would get started. (Yeah people call me narcissist, I think that is the proper origin). My journal was not similar to other teenage kid's diaries. There were no particular color pen designs or decorations that make it look special or something precious. Simply black pen and often trivial touch of blue pen may be. I wrote till 2019. Something has massively devastated all my old habits since then. Ironically I knew what is that thing. Back to the journal days. My handwriting was never up to mark. But I developed my handwriting in later years. When I started to write things that was the time, I have the worst handwriting. Even I could not read what I wrote afterward. I once wrote a story about the liberation war. HAHAHA that if I recall now is the funniest, shitiest, weirdest actually that story was anything but a story. But as I think about it at least my ten-year guts have that courage to write something. To take a step. Now that gut is gone so is the glory. sigh.

In my childhood, I learned drawing from an art teacher whom I called aunty. She has a weirdly aesthetic name which I mispronounced. Actually, at first listening, anyone could mispronounce it. Her name was after a tree. Anyway so her paintings were beautiful. While everyone in my class draws objects like birds, coconut trees in a common way, I learned to draw them in a more creative and realistic way from her. One day one of our teachers told everyone in the class to draw their father. Maybe that day was father's day I can not remember distinctly. But that was the first day I drew a full-fledged human. I was very scared. Because drawing humans was never on my list then and more importantly I never learnt it. Some of my friends drew so cool pictures of their dad. I somehow pulled off a cartoon I guess that looked like a doll with all the asymmetrical hands and shoulders. So to make it look like a human I gave it some beard but my father was a clean shaved man then. Our teacher praised everyone but I was bummed about my inability of drawing a man or woman. In the later years, I not only learned how to draw them I draw and loved to do art of humans, precisely of 'princesses'. Out of my sheer fondness, I even gifted two of them to two of my cousins which I regretted later years. And I still do. When I have drawing as my subject, I used an unusual set of colors. Everyone was surprised. Those were color sticks wrapped in paper line and when needs to sharpen there was a white string that can peel the paper out of it. Very cool thing. I was very jealous of my sister's color set. She always got the coolest set of crayons and a variety of color sets which she mostly knocked down. By then I did not even have drawing as a subject.  

To be continued..