doodle composition -1

Dreaming while sleeping can be pretty annoying especially when you figure out what does your dream trying to mean and then it becomes relatable. Today I saw a dream that I have a wound in my hand, a very deep one and I am trying to say it loud to my parents. I am continuously yelling, "Look it's hurting me. Please help me to get rid of it. PLEASE!" I was literally crying and felt so helpless. But they did not pay any heed and so I thought, "yeah seems about right" but still kept doing. Anyway so when I woke up, I found that everything is fine on this side and that was nothing but just a damn dream. But that dream made me bummed for a while about what if it was trying to carry a meaning or something. So I googled it and what I found is so near to truth like death. 

That yelling part on both ends was me. I was trying to make myself out a thing but another part of me was not even enough bothered to care! 

What a daring thought to dream of! But it was also funny because for real I have been repressing something to not to feel. I was trying to make myself feel good because I made a poor performance on one of my tests due to my choices. I know it's a silly thing to think and even writing about. So what? I made a mistake. Big deal. But the problem grew more when I tried to relate it from a bigger perspective. I always tried to be aware of what is happening around my surroundings and how to cope. But I think there is still a lapse that remained in my whole mechanism of becoming aware and giving it my back. Unfortunately still today, I could not help but notice no matter how hard I am trying I am still unable to fix that little bug. I read articles after articles on how to make planning flawless and all that shits. From the beginning, I was very fond of the concept "begin again". Again from the top. You messed a thing, no problem. Don't dare to fix it in the middle of its way. Try to start fresh again. Is there something wrong with it? Why there would be? It's just that I prefer a clean page to a messy but fixed one. I don't know what is waiting for us in the future. But I really do hope, whatever happens, be it an early eye-opening for me from the catastrophe that could happen.